Summer Plans...

     Over the past two weeks or so, all the while finishing project and preparing for final exams and booking my flight home to Virginia, I've been thinking a lot about summer plans. One idea is to play in one my college's summer worship teams that they send out to camps after school lets out. I signed up earlier in the year and auditions are in early January (the 12th to be exact). I'm really excited for this opportunity, and thought I've auditioned in the past and not been chosen, I'm not mad or bitter. I'm trusting the Lord with all of this, asking Him to open doors He wants me to go through and close ones He doesn't.
     Another is an internship. Now I use that term loosely because technically I'm not required to do one ( I think my Worship capstone class is close enough to one). I have the idea of interning at a nearby church, depending on other circumstances, and helping with any media they use in their services. This means sound (I want hands on with this), video (which I've never done and am not experienced in), writing for audio or video pieces (done a lot of this...thanks, Media Scriptwriting!), graphic design (done some of this as well, and I have great tools to do so, not just the Adobe programs), and other media. I think this would help me get needed experience considering my major sets me up to be a media "pastor" in a church (sans the ordination).
     What are the other circumstances? Well, considering I do not currently have my driver's license nor a car, my roommate's parent's friends offered me to stay with them over the summer and during that time teach me to drive. *GASP* That is such an amazing offer! If I choose to take this, I would try to get my "internship" near where they live.
     All of these are really good options, and I'm still considering them all. But more than my consideration, I want to submit to God's will and desire for me this summer. I appreciate your continual prayers for me in this matte. I know it is a few months away now, but I see nothing wrong with praying in advance for anything. May your days be blessed and blessed because of your dependance on God.

Advent Podcast worth checking

Hello, blog universe. It's been way too long since I've posted last. School has been full effect, and with that, certain things fall down the priority list. Sadly, this was one of those things. Anyway, I wanted to mention one of my professors, Dr. Mark Perry, has started doing a podcast around the season of Advent which we are currently in. Have a listen, comment away, and give him your feedback.

You can listen here.

Have a blessed Christmas season everyone, and I hope to keep posting over our break.

TwitteRelevant

Read an article in the Sojourn, the school's newspaper today about using Twiiter and what the point of it is. All in all, I thought it was a pretty good informative piece aimed at new people to Twitter. But what the article made me think about most was the idea of relevance.

They quoted a student who said that Twitter is really a "useless networking tool." I don't know if I would call it useless, but I could see his point. I think seeing something as useless is really only seeing the bad parts of something, in this case Twitter going the same way as Facebook, as an essential time-waster. I do believe that can happen, but at the end of the day, I believe we all have a choice as to whether or not we let that happen.

As far as relevance goes, I'd say it's really a subjective term in today's day and age. I think in order to be relevant, someone or something has to first define what relevance even is. I think society in one sense defines relevance; I think celebrities do as well; but my question is this: Why doesn't God define what our view of relevancy is?

In essence, what does God say about how we use Twitter? Why don't we have Him as our standard with which we measure relevance. If we go by society's standards of relevance, then aren't we pleasing man with our efforts?

I think I can sum up what I'm trying to say in one thought: Twitter is a resource that's been given to us by God. Let's use it for His glory.

What Is A Real Man? Wow, I'm Even Considered That...

WHEW! Nearly half of my Junior year over, and it'd been great. Busy and work-filled (not a good filling for a donut, btw) but great. I'm learning so much and it's continuously cool to see how much everything bleeds together.

Anyway, the real reason I'm back writing is that I have a lot on my mind. My accountability/small group of guys is going through Wild At Heart by John Eldredge. My mind recalls back when my youth group started to go through it, but we didn't finish. But since I've picked it up again, or as it really is bum my suitemate's copy, it's been sobering and challenging. Tonight I read the 3rd chapter about the question haunting every man. That question? "Am I a Real Man?" and "Will I come through...even when it gets tough?"

I've asked that a lot. I've struggled with self-value a lot. As Eldredge talks, I've boiled it down to my personality. But he also says that everything we need as men is inside of us, that God's put it there. Much like Easter Eggs  on DVD's. They're hidden things on a DVD (an extra scene, pictures, alternate ending, etc.--just really cool stuff): they're already there but we don't realize they are until we stumble upon them or go to somewhere (websites) that tell us how to find them. Well, there's no website to tell me where the manly things in me are, but there's a book and a Savior. There's God and His Word. That's the best I can come up with.

It's been really sobering to really look at me. It's sucked and it continues to suck like a vaccuum to say I want the real me to show yet consistently keep doing the same actions, the same sins, over and over again; "I do what I don't want to do and I don't do what I want to do." Oh the tension!!

All I can do now is be humble enough to say I have no clue what to do. I know that God knows what to do in me to mld me into the person and the man he calls me to be. I've been living as the person that I'm comfortable with and the person/man society sees as acceptable.

God, fill in the places that are unfilled, make the rough places smooth, as you state in your Word. I know your promises Lord, and I know you enough to know that you fulfill your promises and don't just make them. I trust you now more than ever. I'm scared out of my head right now, but I know you go before me, I've got the lantern and You've got the map....

---You know, it wouldn't have been that much more to spring for a Garmin. Okay, I'll be quiet and hold the lantern :)---

May there be peace in our lives, may there be strength in us that is not our own. May God take over. May we hold the lantern and find joy in it. A man we make is a fallen one, but the man God has in mind is glorious.

School Beckons

As the new school year approaches, and with it a new found campus job as a Building Monitor as well as classes and studying, my time devoted to this blog will be drastically cut short.  But do not fret my handful of followers. My goal is to keep this blog going, updating at least once a week during the school year.  I'll start posting again in early September, some time during the week of the 7th when the year starts. Until then, I encourage you guys to stay close to the Lord and walk in His strength and not your own. Blessings

--Randy (Isa. 41:10)

The name says it all. I say that books intended for women can just as well apply to us guys because of a book I'm currently reading.

The book is written by Beth Moore, a name synonymous with books and other resources for women. So this past weekend when I won her book "Arm Yourself Against the Enemy's Schemes: A Taste of 'When Godly People Do Ungodly Things'" from my church's men's conference, I had some objections. Initially I thought that since this book was for women (the back of the book has Moore's picture with the "Lifeway Women" logo) that I wouldn't be able to get anything out of it. But was I ever wrong!

This book has some amazing truths about Satan, his craftiness, and his ultimate goal to have us fall away from the abundant life God has for each one of us. This book has been great for me personally considering my battles with sin and wanting to walk in true repentance.  So far, I've gotten into the second chapter of the book, and I've learned some great things along the way:

• Overcoming Satan's lies and schemes is possible and it's possible because of who Christ in us. With His power we are able to overcome.

• Anyone can be attacked by the evil one, even those who are in good seasons of their life and close to the Lord.

• Things like our ignorance, passion without a Scriptural foundation, and a lack of discernment are tools that Satan can use to knock us off the path Christ has set for us.

In the end, I think I am learning quite a book from this book, be it targeted to women or not, because it is something relevant to my life and it's a struggle I have and am facing. A quote my brother has told me a few times which he heard from a fellow pastor was, "Read about things you are struggling with." I think for me, this is one of those books. I encourage you to find a book concerning something you're struggling with, be it a specific sin like pornography or feeling distant from God, there's more than likely a book out there for you. If you hate to read, download an audio version of the book and listen to it while you work out or while driving. If there's one thing I've learned from reading these types of books myself and hearing others tell me what they've learned from reading these books, it's that reading about things you're dealing with causes you to learn more about your struggle and see it from a new perspective, and in my opinion,  that can only benefit you. 

When was the last time you said these two small words?

Was it difficult? Was it humbling? How about tedious?

I would consider myself a very thankful person. I would say it's just a part of my nature. I always try to thank people who help me out during my times of need and even in the little things in life like when someone holds a door for me. 

But I don't say this to brag about myself. No, I want to share what my life is now since I've taken on a lifestyle of being thankful. Really, this all connects to my love and passion for worship, and with that comes a brief lesson in etymology.

The word "worship" as we know it has its origins in numerous languages. One in particular is the word "worthschipe" (worth-ship) which has its origins with the Anglo-Saxons. Notice the root word there? It's "worth," and if we use context clues, we can conclude that worship gives something value or importance; That's worth! Now add God to the picture (Duh!). Our worship of Christ means that we call Him worthy, we think He is valuable. He's important to us.

Alright, class dismissed. If we can understand how our worship of Christ, the Holy One who indeed is worthy, it's easy to see where the idea of praise comes in. Praise simply is the action of giving worth. It the "God, You're great," "God, You're merciful." But in my time of learning and studying about worship in college, I have learned that worship is only a lifestyle once it has action behind it. 

These two words, "Thank You," fall into a statement of praise. But as I said previously, words aren't enough in order to achieve a lifestyle of worship. The truth with all of this is that this it's really only possible with God. He is the source of our praise and worship; He's the reason we do what we do and the reason we are who we are, and it's Him, through the work of His Holy Spirit who, that this change happens. 

What does this action look like? The best way I can describe it is with myself because I remember where I used to be and I see now where I am now in my relationship with Christ, and with it, my life of worship towards Him. Before, I could care less about the sky or nature. But now, I love it when there's a beautiful sunset or the sky looks like it's painted on. Before, I thought prayer was about getting my agenda across and asking for things and I rarely prayed outside my youth group. Now, I pray for others all the time and love to pray in the shower. [:-D)

I think the bottom line is that all of this, understanding what worship is, what praise is, what a thankful lifestyle is, all starts at our relationship with the Lord. Again, I don't share all my experiences to brag about me. I do it to brag about God and what He's done and is doing in my life. My prayer is that you would see this and see the goodness of Christ and see how rewarding He wanted this life to be. Most of all, I ask you to pray about this for yourself and seek the Lord. "Ask, seek, and knock" as it talks about in Matthew 7:7. Draw near and stay close to the Lord and I can tell you He will help you understand what worship is and how it is a way of life.

I had a dream last night about two things: soap and persecution. Why on Earth would these two things go together? I have no idea, either. Anyway, let me set the stage for you.

My dream went like this:
     I found myself in this hallway outside of what seemed like a laundry room. All the floors were concrete and they were old and disgusting. The walls weren't too awesome, either. Picture sea-foam green straight from the '70s everywhere. Next thing I know I see this old hag-like woman handing me a large basket of laundry. When I say heavy, I mean it. The basket was filled to the brim, it looked like a full basket of clothes but it must have weighed a hundred or more pounds. I was in agony as I carried it! She then directed me to this room at the end of the hallway, the laundry room.
   This room was pretty empty besides her equally hag-like assistant, a couch that was falling apart, and a washer and dryer. There were also cobwebs in each of the room's corners, and I saw a few tiny spiders crawling around. I was thinking, "Why am I here, who is this woman, and what's the deal with the laundry?" Being exhausted from carrying the clothes, I propped my feet up on the table. Her assistant thn proceeded to take my shoes (my ratty Chuck Taylor knock offs from Target, also falling apart) and my socks off my feet and put them off to the side somewhere. I'm assuming they were with the other random clothes.
   Next, to make this story weirder, the old hag-lady (not the assistant) tells me I'm going to drown in dish soap if I didn't renounce my faith in Jesus Christ.

Don't ask me why dish soap and why the laundry and why couldn't my dream could have been more manly. I have no idea. It just happened.

So, anyway, I'm sitting in this gross laundry room being threatened by a dish soap flood if I don't renounce my faith in Christ, and I told the old hag-lady a paraphrase of what Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego told King Nebuchadnezzar: "No I will not renounce my faith in Christ. My God's faithful and I know He can save me from this soapy death. But even if He doesn't, I'll still serve Him" (see Daniel 3:16-18 to see what they said, minus the soap references). Then I remember looking at the doorway of this laundry room and I see this blue-ish dish soap start to flood in (think Dawn dish soap). I got kinda nervous as it got closer and closer to me and as it got higher and higher. It got up to the ball joints on my feet and I was nervous still. Part of me was freaking out, thinking, "Okay, God, where are you." I took a deep breath, everything went white, and then I woke up.

After I woke up, I was trying to figure out why persecution was on my mind and in my dream. Maybe it was because I read the first chapter of I John yesterday, and it talked about being in the light and truly living out your faith, and really just being real. The soap, on the other hand, I have no idea why it was there...

Jesus says that in this world, we'll all face persecution because we follow Him. Realistically, I doubt any Christian will face persecution like this. Although, if someone's got a bone to pick with you and they happen to shop at Sam's Club, I'd watch my back. Either way, I hope that regardless of the situation I'm in, I hope I wouldn't ever hesitate to stand up for my faith in Christ, and I hope the same thing for you. I hope we wouldn't be ashamed of the hope we have because of Christ being in our lives.

Know that whenever we are persecuted because of what we believe, Christ is alongside us each step of the way to help us endure it and He's also gone before us. So, in the end, I pray that we would take courage if we face persecution. I pray that we really would "[c]onsider it pure joy..." when we face our trials (James 1:2), however strange they may be.

Over this past week as I've been thinking about what to do with my blog (that has a few new followers and comments, mind you. Thanks to everyone!) I was feeling a little bit of a creative block as to what I should do. I couldn't find inspiration anywhere until I thought about something I do a lot on Twitter.

If you're not that familiar with Twitter and its use of hashtags, feel free to click on the hashtag link  so you can get up to speed.

However, if you're stubborn like I am, or just a PC user weary of viruses from some unknown link placed in a blog post, I'll gladly give you a brief definition of what a hashtag is. On Twitter, people use hashtags, or a pound sign (#) with text after it, to group their Twitter posts so they can find them easily if they need to or see what people using the same hashtag are saying.  For example, a hashtag I use a lot  in my tweets is #qwikquestion. I use this whenever I have a random question on my mind. For instance, I was wondering about how if toilets flush in the opposite direction in different hemispheres of the world would their faucets be labeled the opposite from ours (e.g hot would be on the right, cold on the left, etc.)

Well, after being told the whole "toilets flush in different directions" thing was bogus, I cried a little on the inside. Then, I felt a little bit better and felt good that I was now an informed person who knew the truth that all toilets flush the same way.

But anyway, I was inspired by this hashtag that I use every now and then and I thought I'd bring the concept to you guys here at Confessions of A Follower.

So, today's Qwik Question is: What is the role of the church to you?

I read online today that Anne Rice, a famous author who writes a lot about vampires,  left the Christian faith via her Facebook status. If you remember the '90s movie "Interview With A Vampire" with Tom Cruise and Matt Damon, she wrote the novel of the same name that spawned that movie.  I remember a few years ago when she was interviewed on Good Morning America about her leaving the dark atmosphere that her books were about in favor of a Christian slant. But now to hear this, it's kind of sad.

There were also some interesting comments about this story, one in particular that made me want to ask this question. The comment is by a user on the Today website named "Texas Lady-1937322" and here's what she said in response to Rice leaving her faith:

"I think I understand what she was trying to say. However, her choice of words is, perhaps, not correct. I am a Christian. Have been all my life. But, I am anti-church. I think more harm has been done in the name of organized religion than in the name of any other institution in the history of mankind. I refuse to be a part of this. It irritates me when someone tells me that because I do not attend a church I am not religious, but spiritual. That makes it sound as though I have created my own religion . I am VERY religious and believe in the true Christian doctrines. I just chose to practice my religion in the quiet of my own home rather than parade it before the community. It is a private matter to me, between me and my God. Anyone who tries to force others to do as they do in the name of religion is just a bully and organized religion is their weapon of choice."

What I don't understand about this woman's comment is how she can be a Christian without the church. In my opinion, I think the church is a critical part of our spiritual growth and development. I keep reading her words and I keep getting blown away; "...I [choose] to practice my religion in the quiet of my own home rather than...before the community[?]" What about our calling to be salt and light from Matthew 5: 13-14? Aren't we called by God to "add flavor to" this bland world and shine the light of Truth in this fallen world that's covered by darkness? I don't think God wanted us to wait for everyone to come to us, I think he told us to "Therefore, go and make disciples" (Matt. 28:19).

In the end, she may have some scars from how the church has treated her in the past, and I can understand that, but if she was hurt, she didn't heal properly from it and it seems like she's formed some bitterness. All I know is that the church, the Body of Christ, has many parts, and all of them are needed to function. A body can't function with only one hand or eye, can it? Maybe prosthetic limbs could be an option, but they only cover up the real problem: you're missing a hand or an eye. The Body needs parts, people gathered in the name of Christ, to function properly. The church is where we gather together (be it in a legit church building or your neighbor's basement) to fellowship, to worship, to be accountable with one another, to meet each other's needs, to pray for one another, etc. The church builds up certain areas of our lives that just aren't tapped into when we are by ourselves. When our relationship with Christ is when it's purely vertical, when it's "me and God and that's it," or when we are injured by the church and aren't treated properly, we become deformed. We start to spiritually rot and we can only go so far in our walk. As gross as it sounds, it's true and it happens.

Today I wanted to talk for a minute about the music industry, particularly the difference in motivation between those in Christian music and secular music. In short, I am intrigued by the difference between these two categories of musicians. 

Over my years as a budding musician and now avid lover of worship and worship music, I have experienced time in the Christian music mindset from being involved in my church worship praise bands and the Rock-N-Roll mindset during my years in high school. The main difference in motivation between these two is one thing: self. The last band I was in during my senior year of high school dealt with this a lot. 

The band was made up of me, my friend John, and another guy named Ryan. We never had a name, and by the end of the whole experience, it was just me and John left. But regardless of us not having a name and only having a guitarist and drummer, the idea of self as a motivator still came into play. One night when John and I were trying to write a song about our experiences, we got to talking about how we got into music. I told him about how it was all God who blessed me with this and it's been snowballing to my love for worship music and he told me that he just wanted to play and practiced to be better for himself.

Hopefully you can see what motivated me and what motivated my friend John. I was into music to glorify the Lord and use my gifts for Him and John was out to be good and someday get fame and the like. Unfortunately, it was my motivation for the Lord (and my faith, really) that broke us up that night. Our conversation to try to write a song led to John telling me he was about sixty-six percent sure there wasn't a God and he was pretty much an atheist. Now, I don't write to hate on my friend John. He's an awesome guy, Christ-believer or not. I can only pray and hope for him that he would come to know God in a real way someday.

Anyway, all stories and rambling aside, there's a motivation to glorify God with music and there's the motivation to get money and fame and glorify yourself with music. I fall with glorifying God with whatever music I'm a part of. But what intrigues me about this clash of motivation is that I'm wondering where secular artists come up with their ideas for songs. It sort of seems easy for Christian musicians to write about a mountaintop experience they had or a time when God was there during a dark time in life, but that's not exactly a bitter breakup or hangover after a one-night stand that some rock songs are about.

It's easy for us as Christians, and Christian musicians, to take for granted what we have: the hope of Jesus Christ. But what about everyone else? I wonder if we really understand what a life that looks fine on the surface yet there's emptiness is like. I don't know that we can relate to that completely. Well, maybe in one sense we can because we were lost at one time in our lives. But, I think it's also true that once we know Christ, we sometimes forget what life used to be like; we forget what we came from.

Here's a song from one of my favorite secular bands, American Hi-Fi. This song's called "Lost" and I feel it may relate what a life with the God-shaped void looks like. Either that or he's lost without that special someone. I'll let you choose, but my challenge to you is don't forget the dark places you've come from in your life. Remember what life without Christ was like; understand that there are people still filling those voids in their lives with things that will never satisfy them. I pray that our hearts would break for everyone who's like this. I pray we'd be concerned over anyone who doesn't have the abundant life we have with Jesus. I pray we would really care about people and what those people are motivated by. I believe that's part of our calling as Disciples. Jesus wishes that none would perish, that everyone would have everlasting life. What about you?

Here's what my facebook status said today: "there comes a time when you have to choose whom you will serve, which master you will serve. Today for me I truly repented of how I have been living recently and laid my all down for Christ. It's a great feeling everyone!"

If you're wondering where part three of my bro's series "Confessions of A Coward" is, it's not here. I chose to post something that was on my heart instead. If you'd like to see part three, my brother's blog is here. I'm really thankful to him for guest posting for me this week, and you guys have left some awesome comments which he so rightly deserved. Etiher way, I'm sure he'll have his third and final installment up soon for you guys. so keep checking in on him.

Over the last week, my brother's series has been resonating with me just like its been resonating with you guys. Even this past Wednesday night at the youth group that I help lead, we talked about whether we honor God with everything that we do. With all of these ideas on not hiding about the things we're dealing with, living a life that honors God, and living a life that's open and transparent, I was disgusted with the sin  I've been drowning in. 

For me, it's not drinking. It's not smoking and it's not partying. No, my sin is lust. The sin that affects the inside of a man or woman. The sin that leaves images that won't go away. All of my actions this past week have been lust-driven and not honoring to God, and today I became nearly nauseous over it. 

Like my brother getting his DUI which was a wake-up call for him, my actions with porn and lust this week compared to the life I want to live was a wake-up call for me. A wake up call to truly chase after Christ; to have Him as my one and only master.

Our culture think that a man who views pornography on a regular basis or masturbates regularly is normal. That's a lie. I Corinthians 6:18 screams that we're to flee from sexual immorality. I think flee is a very fitting word here.

I don't know about you, but when I think of fleeing from something, I think, "Hey, I've got to run away from this because it's a monster; it's HUGE and I can't beat it."

If you thought that,too,  you're right. That's something my battle with porn has shown me. It's a sin that is huge and one that can't be beaten on our own. Te verse in I Corinthians also puts sexual immorality (porn and the acts associated with it)  into a certain "category" of sorts by saying that it is unlike all other sins in that with this one, man sins against himself, or "sins against his own body" (NIV). 

Too many times I thought I could beat this monster on my own. I tried and I tried, and I would be fine for a day or two, but then the middle of the week would roll around, I would have some time to kill, and BOOM!, I was back into lust. The truth is we as men of God cannot beat this sin on our own. We MUST rely on the Lord to get us past this. It means memorizing scripture verses like I Corinthians 10:13 which says that we're not tempted beyond more than we can bear and that God's faithful to give us a way out. It's about knowing those verses and using them when we're faced with temptation. It's about LOOKING FOR THAT WAY OUT!

In essence, this week I have been brought to a true sorrow and a true grief over my life with pornography and lust. For far too long I've thought I could beat it on my own. I've been telling half-truths. But now I have truly repented and desire to take on the true meaning of repentance, from the Hebrew metanoia which mean "after/behind one's mind" (thanks Wikipedia!). I want to have true forgiveness from this and move past this chapter of my life and embrace a life that honors God. I am an example to those around me, and I want those around me to see the real me, not someone putting on a show. 

If you're a guy or a girl who's dealing with this, too (no one is immune, it's not a guy thing), I would encourage you to do three things:

• Confess your sin to God and to someone who you can be accountable with and someone you can trust, then be an INTENTIONAL accountability partner with them (e.g. be honest, do NOT sugarcoat things, be real with them; cry and hit things if you have to)

• "Write the words of the lord on the tablet of your heart;" Find verses like I Corinthians 10:13 and commit them to memory so you can use them as a weapon (the Bible is the sword of the Spirit after all, Eph. 6:17) when Satan tempts you

• If you repent of your sin, MEAN IT. Don't just say, "I repent" and then go back and do the same things you did before. Romans 6 asks, "What shall we say then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? BY NO MEANS!" In short, should we do whatever we want do just because God can forgive us? No way. If we do, than we put little value on God's grace and mercy. If you repent of your sin, put the sin behind you, change your way of life from one that is focused on your pleasure to one that's focused on pleasing God.

I talk about wearing many hats in the paragraph that talks about my blog. I say that the hat I am known for (or want to be known for) is the crown of life, shimmering with jewels that has the words "Follower of Christ" on it. Well todays marks the day of a new beginning. Today is the day I begin the quest for that crown of life.

Here's part two of my brother's series. In this edition, Scott speaks the truth on where our identities are and he challenges us to put them where they should be: in Christ.

Christian: Literally means “ Christ’s little ones.” Early Christians were given the name Christians. No--they did not have a meeting in their homes or the fellowship hall and come up with a catchy name for themselves--they were given this name by the non-Christians around them. The term is not demeaning--it described their lives--which mirrored the life of Christ. For they were children of Christ.

We all make mistakes, we all have moments of weakness, lapses in character and moments we are not proud of. My life has been full of them. Since middle school I have called myself a “Christian” but for most of my life have not lived up to the name. Instead of clothing my self with the blood of Christ, I just learned what to say and how to say it to my church, my pastors and my family. I should have just called myself “hypocrite.” Instead of picking up my cross daily and following Jesus, I have spent much of my life picking up bottles, chasing women and hiding my sin.

In my first post, I mentioned that my hidden sin, all my weakness, all of my endless toils and all my cowardliness came out with a DUI. In a moment my sin was brought out from the dark and into the light. Every drunken night, every party, every sin and every character flaw in my soul was forced violently into the open. There was no more running and no more hiding. I could no longer hide my sin from my friends at church and my family. I no longer had a choice. I was hurting, lost, broken and I needed them. I wouldn't be able to talk myself or lie myself out of this one. This was serious. I couldn't run. I couldn't hide. I couldn't fix this one my own--but that is what God wanted. All of the time I spent being identified by being the guy who loved girls and who loved to party only gave me one thing--a night in jail. In an instant, life was different. God gave me a cross road.

The first was the life I had always found comfortable--the booze, the girls, the partying and the running. The road I was comfortable with, the road I was good at. The second one of openness and honesty--a new life in and with Christ. It was almost like God was telling me, “ this is your last chance Scott, it is now, or never.” I wasn’t strong enough to completely run away from the sin that still enslaved me and God was sick of it. If I wasn’t strong enough--God was going to break me and make me strong enough.

This whole experience has taught me two things :

• We are not strong enough to run from sin on our own. It takes sacrifice and a strength that is only from our Heavenly Father.

• We must put ourselves out there--all of us. James 5:16 says: ”Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” We have to be completely open and honest to our families, friends and pastors. They will never judge you. They will do nothing but love you and help you--I know this for fact

I’ll leave you with a question: Where is your identity, where is your heart?

Alright, as I promised, my brother Scott will be taking the reigns of my blog for part of this week as he provides some "guest posts" for your enjoyment.

This series will delve into the deep dark parts of my brother's life; the parts that he has only begun to wrestle and deal with only recently. I hope this series will get you to think about your own dark areas that you may be hiding from and hopefully embrace a life of openness and transparency. Well, without further ado, I, Randy Mahoney, proudly introduce...

Coward: A person who lacks the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things. The word coward is a strong, negative word and I am sure a word that no one wants attached to their name, but the truth is many of us are indeed cowards. If anyone is coward, it is me. I have been a coward in many areas of my life and this series is about those areas.

For most of my adult life I was drowning in sin. I sat of the fence between my social life full of partying , the girls I chased, the porn I was addicted to and my life as a believer in Christ. I put up a convincing facade of a well put together and righteous believer, but in fact on the inside I was drowning in sin and dying. I hid my sin from everyone--my pastors, my friends and my family. I would occasionally tell a close friend or pastor half of my struggles, but never fully opened up to anyone about the sin that I was enslaved to. I did not have the courage to surrender my sin to my Heavenly Father nor the courage to confess that sin to those who cared most about me. Recently my sin, my lying, my lack of courage, the sin I was hiding and the inner coward in me was brought out. I will further discuss these areas and exactly what happened later in this series.

The bible is clear about the concealment of sin. Proverbs 27:17 says that as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. God puts men and women in our lives to confess our sins and struggles to. These people will not judge and will not abandon you. They may be disappointed, but they are placed in your life by God for one thing--to help you become everything that God made you to be.

Proverbs 28:13 says whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper,but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. You will never get victory of your sin unless you confess it to the Godly men and women in your life. If you continue you hide and ignore your struggles, they will be brought out of the dark into the light. I carried my sin and my struggles for so long, hiding them from the people in my life who loved me the most. When I finally was forced to share these struggles with my friends, pastors and family it hurt, but I was set free. The weight off my heart that was lifted by finally surrendering to those closest to me has left me feeling nothing but alive on the inside- and this is what God wants for us.

Scott Thacker
2 Corinthians 5:20-21

This week at Confessions Of A Follower, there will be a special guest blogger.

My brother and fellow blogging enthusiast Scott will be posting a special three-part series called "Confessions Of A Coward." In this series, my bro speaks on how he's been challenged to be real and truly honest about the sin that has been engulfing him over the last few years of his adult life.

Am I biased because he's my brother? Sure. But I could care less about any bias here. I appreciate his honesty about his struggle with sin and I think living a life that is open and transparent is something we ALL can be challenged by.

Click the image below to view my brother's blog...

No, you're not seeing things. BeautifulPeople.com is a real website with real problems. I first saw this site when I was watching a rerun of the Colbert Report this week. When I saw it, I, too, thought I was having vision problems. Now granted, Colbert had some funny things to say (I admit I chuckled when he said that the site needed to raise a certain "filter" of sorts). But what concerns me is not Colbert's need to compete with the site by launching his Formula 401. No, I think I could save that for another post at another time. What really concerns me here is the site itself and its "business model."

In short, the site is a place where "beautiful" people can get together with other beautiful people to chat, flirt, and/or mingle. Moreover, it's a site that has a ridiculous definition of what is beautiful. Just look at the picture on the homepage of the site. We've got people sitting on a psychiatric-esque couch, people sitting next to ferocious and scary animals, and even a guy dancing like Michael Jackson and hurling an apple in the air! Talk about standards! I never knew that I had to look that good, be that skinny, dance that well, or juggle that kind of fruit to be accepted.

If you didn't watch the Colbert link, he reported that the site banned over 5,000 users because they gained some extra weight, something site founder Robert Hintze said would be a threat to his "business model." Man, this IS just like the cliques from my high school days. They are so conditional; everything is fine, your loved and accepted, AS LONG AS you don't do anything stupid (e.g. talk to the weird kid or gain a few extra L-B's). Something about that rubs me the wrong way if I may sparingly use a cliche'. I guess since I'm not like that myself, I can't really relate all that well to users of the site or their creators.

But, I was a nerdy guy back in high school who happened to be a Christian. Also, I was observant and had some friends who did fit this mold. Here's what I observed from them:

• They pretended everything was fine, but on the inside, I knew they were empty and alone.


• They had a lot of friends, but truthfully their friendships were shallow and only mattered as long as they got something out of it.

On the one hand, I look back and feel really sad that people lived this way. It's tragic, really. Doesn't that seem like an empty life to live, having your glory days fit into a small four-year window of time, and in some cases, that window being filled with sorrow and regret? That sure sounds empty to me...

The truth that I know, being a nerdy Christian guy who made it out alive from a high school that had its share of suffering, I know that everyone has a choice. Some of my classmates chose to live that empty life that high school brought them. I do understand some of them couldn't help it and others were just unaware of what was going on. Either way, it still bugs me that I didn't do more to reach out to them.

I think I'm so concerned with this website is that they are spreading this lie that to be cool, to be accepted, and to be beautiful you have to fit this certain profile, this certain hight/weight, and you have to have completed this list of debauchery. In essence,the site is making more of these people I went to high school with. It's creating more of these people who get sucked in to the mindset of the world that's fallen and misguided. If that's a Christian go-to answer, so be it.

I know that I don't want to see anybody fall victim to the lifestyle of this world or adopt their values because, frankly, their values are crap. The truth is everyone's beautiful in the Lord's eyes. He made them in HIS OWN IMAGE, and I believe that God NEVER makes mistakes; He only uses ours. I believe there's life and life to the full with the Lord as well as true forgiveness for any debauchery anyone's done. I myself may have not reached out to my friends back then, and part of me regrets that, but I know now that I don't want the world to take anyone else the way they took those friends of mine. If there's one thing you get from reading this, it's this: don't ever hesitate to respond; don't ever leave it someone else. BE that someone who saves someone else!

To begin my new blog series MeEqualsConcerned, I wanted to take a look at a new game from the Hasbro Toy Company. You know, the people who brought us games like Monopoly and Connect Four (it always felt so good to win at those games!) Anyway, the Hasbro team has hit the market again, this time with their new game called "Cuponk." Here's the logo below:

Before I say anything else, let me say that I took this logo from the Hasbro website. It's theirs and the copyright is theirs. All I did was mess around with the color scheme a little to help it match my banners for the series.

Okay, now that that's done and I covered my bases to avoid any jail time, let me share about the game. It looks pretty simple to say the least. As the logo says, all you do is put the ball in the cup. I, for one, find the dashed arrow incredibly helpful. I mean, how else would I know that the cup had a giant hole in it? Ha. All kidding aside, this game appears to really be taking off. I first heard about this game from a commercial I saw on TV last week and then found some videos for it via YouTube

After watching some of their videos, even one with skater Bam Margera as a pitchman for the game, I'm left feeling concerned. My concerns intensified after I saw other Twitter users see the game as I did: a game of Beer Pong for little kids.

After some serious thought, I was thinking about all the possibilities that this game has to reach little kids. Here's what I came up with:

• The name "Cuponk"--It's like Hasbro just changed one letter (pon"G" to pon"K") just so they could distance themselves from the collegiate party passtime.
• The "Trick Shot" Concept--On the TV ads, when you order your Cuponk game it comes with thirty different "Trick Shot" cards. You can even see some of them in the YouTube vids. Some of these shots are awesome looking, which I think could be a reason for them to appeal to kids and college students. Give them to a guy at a state school and you may as well given him a Beer Pong Playbook. I think kids would jump at the chance to watch a ping pong ball fly around a room very fast.
• The Flashing Light--This has to be the most obvious. KIDS LOVE ANYTHING THAT FLASHES!

In the end, I just don't feel right about things like this hitting the market. Yeah, anybody can buy this game and have fun with it, but its target seems to be towards little kids, kids whose sense of judgment isn't fully developed yet, kids who are still impressionable. They might see this and play with this toy now and later in their lives (maybe around college-age) see a game like Beer Pong and think, "Hey, I played with a toy like that when I was a kid. That looks like fun."

My goal is with this series is to get you guys to think about things like this. I don't want any of us to have a stigma to people who drink or anything like that. Christ calls to love EVERYONE, and if I'm correct, kids who play with toys and people who drink count as everyone. My desire is that we would be alert to what our culture is up to, what ideas and message they're sending to us, and how those message line up with God's Word.

What do you guys think?

• Would YOU buy Cuponk and play it yourself? Would you buy it for your kids?
• Do you think this game is something harmless?
• Am I way off base here?
• What other messages do you think our society is sending us, and how are they sending them?

Coming this week...

THIS WEEK AT CONFESSIONS OF A FOLLOWER, A NEW SERIES BEGINS...

This series takes a look at ideas, products, media, or anything else that makes me stop and take another glance. All of this while trying to avoid the Christian go-to answers and get YOUR opinion. Pop by this week for my new series...

Blog Revamp & How (or Who) Do You Follow?

BLOG RE-VAMP
If you haven't ever visited here before, let me first congratulate you on finding me. Secondly, let me share that my previous blog "Randy's Thoughts" was for a Media Scriptwriiting class I took last year in college. The class was great, but the blog was a fail. I would go as far to say that it failed EPICLY So why would I revamp my blog? There a few reasons. One is that I just wanted to move on past the last blog. Another is that blogs and the idea of posting what you're going through online is normal now. It's widely accepted and dare I say expected! (cue dramatic prairie dog)*^{That means play the video.}

Ha! Come on, you know you laughed a little on that one. All kidding aside, I want to update my blog so I can stay up-to-date with where technology is heading and learn to use it well to display a message that is unlike anything else: the message of Christ as told through the keystrokes of one of His broken vessels.

How (or Who) Do You Follow?
In the midst of touching up my blog, the idea of following came to my mind and I found this pretty funny cartoon.

When I re-named my blog, the questions "How do you follow?" and "Who do you follow?" popped up in my head. When you think of how to follow, I'm sure your first thought is something like "following" someone on Twitter or adding a friend on Facebook. I know I do.

Following also brings to mind people on those sites with a ton of friends who they never talk to. I'm sure we can all of think of someone who's done the annual "Facebook Purge." Twitter seems like it could be the same way. The blue bird site has all those "real" followers (I'm talking about you SAMIapartments and LowerYourDebt) that are stand-ins for companies and products. I'm sure people just add and add to boost their follower numbers so they could be a Twitter trend.

My question in all of this is,"Why?" Why do we have hundreds and hundreds of FB friends and thousands of followers but never talk to them? I think the cartoon showed an interesting point with the guy actually following the other guy home. Yeah, it's funny and borderline stalking, but unlike some of us on these networking sites, there was a legit follow-up. There's no deleting your great aunt off of your friends list without her knowing or not talking to your best friend from high school for three years despite seeing them in your "Reconnect With..." box every week. There was real connection. There was a thriving relationship.

I'm not trying to be mean or condemn anybody. I'm not saying you're going to the lake of fire if you've got 687 friends and you only talk to 100 or so. No way. All I want to do is to get you guys to think about your relationships and how valuable they are to you. Would you add your Mom on FB and ignore her? How about a boyfriend or girlfriend? What if God had a FB or Twitter account?

I guess to me when I see people doing this, it sort of relates a hollow idea of a relationship, that a friend is someone you talk to every once in a while, exchange a few words with, but never really go deep with and get to know them. Yeah, I know that realistically we can't get get to know the ins and outs of everyone we meet, but I think when they're called your friends, there's a sort of implied responsibility to get to know that person well. Otherwise, I'd call everyone else an acquaintance. A core group of friends you know very well, and then acquaintances.