What If...

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What If Everyone Had A Sign That Told About Themselves?

    How different would the world be? Would we avoid certain topics in conversation? If someone was divorced, would we mention to them to the new up-and-coming dating site or the new singles mixer this weekend? I'm not sure...

    What I hope to get you to think about is this--though everyone doesn't have a sign which tells their life story and experiences, the truth is everyone does have a story and does have experiences that have shaped them. Though something physical like a sign doesn't exist, every person has gone through and still goes through every day like you and I do. They see the morning, they complain about how early it is, they wish they could lay in bed all day in the warmth of their covers. Every person has experiences. 

    Sometimes I think it is easy for us as people to do something that is very dangerous: we assume things. I would give the old phrase about assuming here, but in the interest of not being crass, I shall avoid it. 

   I think assuming is a dangerous thing because it seems to imply that a person is not important enough to express how they feel or their viewpoint. For example,  what if you needed someone to draw something for you and you had no artistic talent. And what if you purposefully avoid the quiet kid in your class because you assume he certainly has no artistic skills, let alone good ones. But somehow you find out afterwards that that kid was an amazing artist, prize-winning even.  How does that make you feel about your actions?

   I hope you don't taste guilt right now. Well, maybe I do a little because I taste it a little right now. I know I've done this exact same thing in my own life. I've looked over people because I thought I knew what was best for my needs. But in the end, in my looking over them, I miss the potential of what could have been.

In short, we are all made in the Lord's image. We are all useful. Many parts but put in the same body (1 Cor. 12:12). Make sense? THE TRUTH IS WE ARE ALL USEFUL. I hope we don't need a sign to see that in people. I pray that we would have the Lord's perspective and understand that everyone, in some way, big or small, can help us, if we let them. 

The World of Christian Dating...

   There are roughly 14 million books on the subject. Okay, so 14 million may sound a little excessive. It should. It's one of my exaggeration numbers. I use it because the truth is the topic of  Christian dating is and has been talked about...a lot. But I'm curious: Is Christian dating an excessive topic?

   Maybe. Christian dating could be simply a trendy topic that everyone talks about, that it's the "cool" or "in" thing to do and discuss. Also, it could be physically excessive because, as I mentioned earlier, there are what seems like millions of books on Christian dating. If you Google this, you'll get under a million hits. The data speaks for itself...

That's over 930,000 hits in 0.22 seconds if you're eyes can squint very well.

   Truthfully, Christian dating is everywhere because of books. On the one hand, I think that's great because we're actually talking about it. I'm glad nothing is left unsaid about Christians who want to date. I'm glad our world is not treating Christians like little kids who don't know how to swim--giving them water wings, throwing them in the deep end of the pool, and hoping for the best. No, the benefit of a large number of books about Christian dating is that they give us an array of perspectives on dating as a disciple of Christ.

   If you're reading this because you think I have some answers, let me be frank: I DON'T. I'm still discovering a lot about myself and what my view of dating is and how I want to be as a potential boyfriend/spouse. If I can offer anything, it's this:

Books are good, but keep the right book first.

   You know where I'm going with this--the Bible is the best book on love. C'mon! Romans 13 anyone? Other books like Dateable and I Kissed Dating Goodbye are great tools, but I think we must keep it in check so that our ultimate authority on anything (including dating), is the holy Word of God. Any book on dating is only a supplement to the Bible.

Prayer--it works.

   Something God has developed in my own life is an attitude of prayer. What that looks like is whatever situation I face, good or bad, I take it to the Lord first in prayer. Let me issue a disclaimer: this isn't easy. You cannot nor should not do this alone. Yes, you can pray by yourself, which is great, but there is also something about praying in community with others, something that the individual prayer life can't tap into. Develop a prayer life. Read books on that, but again, consult Scripture first. Be in an accountability group. Attend seminars on spiritual growth or the spiritual disciplines. 

Knowing the power that prayer has as well as how to pray will help you in your dating process. 

   Knowledge about prayer and other spiritual growth will strengthen your dependance on God. Specifically, it opens the door for God to show you where to go if you're wondering about that friend who'd you like to be more involved with. It will also help you discover about who you are  in your eyes compared to God's eyes(this is crucial in my eyes). Knowledge about prayer and spiritual growth shows where your growth is, where it needs to go, as well as what you individually offer to any potential relationship (your giftings, etc.). Another benefit: Prayer and spiritual growth will help you actively pray for your future significant other (something I've only recently started). 

What's the key to this knowledge? Couple (pun intended) this with Scripture. Both prayer and God's Word give insights into what dating and love really are for us as followers of Christ. We receive direction from His Holy Spirit because He dwells within each of us. Prayer and studying God's Word give Him a greater avenue to work in our lives. Metaphorically, they unclog the pipes so a full stream of water can flow.

Accountability/Council: Wise people are "wise" for a reason

   Gray hair is totally a symbol of wisdom (Prov. 20:29) as well as a lifeline if a person looks to date. It shows experience; it shows mistakes; but most of all it shows growth. Wise people have not only made mistakes, but they've also learned from them.  

   But who are "wise people" anyway? Accountability groups, friends, teachers, pastors, grandparents. All of these are great people who have a different perspective on how love, relationships, work, as well as how life works. This is a crucial resource!

Conclusion

   What I hope to have done here is to give you, as a reader, some resources that could help lessen your fears of dating as a Christian. 

   In my own life, I've recently done something I never thought I had the guts to do: I asked a girl out on a date. In no way did I feel ready. But thanks to some wise council from my college pastor, I asked this girl out and had an amazing time. From then on, I've noticed growth in my own life as a Christian single in that I'm learning more about who I am as a man, who I should be as a man of God, and I am continually seeking God's help in changing what needs to change in my life. Right now, I don't think of myself as the best boyfriend ever. But let me tell you, that's who I want to be! I want to be able to offer my girlfriend or wife the best of who I am. But the weird thing is this: the best of me isn't me at all--it's God at work in and through me. If you're at this place like I am, you realize how much spiritual growth it takes to get to where we are. I praise God for how He has and is still growing me into His image, and I pray that same thing for you.

   It is not impossible to be a Christian and to date. Moreso, it's not impossible to be a Christian and have a good, thriving relationship with someone of the opposite sex. I pray that we in the faith would always have our priorities in the right order and have God laced through them and the rest of our lives. He is the person who erases impossibility. But not only that, He also provides opportunity. May we look for the opportunities God gives us, whether relationships or something else, and may we take advantage of them by listening to His guidance through his Holy Spirit.