Confessions of a Follower

Here's what my facebook status said today: "there comes a time when you have to choose whom you will serve, which master you will serve. Today for me I truly repented of how I have been living recently and laid my all down for Christ. It's a great feeling everyone!"

If you're wondering where part three of my bro's series "Confessions of A Coward" is, it's not here. I chose to post something that was on my heart instead. If you'd like to see part three, my brother's blog is here. I'm really thankful to him for guest posting for me this week, and you guys have left some awesome comments which he so rightly deserved. Etiher way, I'm sure he'll have his third and final installment up soon for you guys. so keep checking in on him.

Over the last week, my brother's series has been resonating with me just like its been resonating with you guys. Even this past Wednesday night at the youth group that I help lead, we talked about whether we honor God with everything that we do. With all of these ideas on not hiding about the things we're dealing with, living a life that honors God, and living a life that's open and transparent, I was disgusted with the sin  I've been drowning in. 

For me, it's not drinking. It's not smoking and it's not partying. No, my sin is lust. The sin that affects the inside of a man or woman. The sin that leaves images that won't go away. All of my actions this past week have been lust-driven and not honoring to God, and today I became nearly nauseous over it. 

Like my brother getting his DUI which was a wake-up call for him, my actions with porn and lust this week compared to the life I want to live was a wake-up call for me. A wake up call to truly chase after Christ; to have Him as my one and only master.

Our culture think that a man who views pornography on a regular basis or masturbates regularly is normal. That's a lie. I Corinthians 6:18 screams that we're to flee from sexual immorality. I think flee is a very fitting word here.

I don't know about you, but when I think of fleeing from something, I think, "Hey, I've got to run away from this because it's a monster; it's HUGE and I can't beat it."

If you thought that,too,  you're right. That's something my battle with porn has shown me. It's a sin that is huge and one that can't be beaten on our own. Te verse in I Corinthians also puts sexual immorality (porn and the acts associated with it)  into a certain "category" of sorts by saying that it is unlike all other sins in that with this one, man sins against himself, or "sins against his own body" (NIV). 

Too many times I thought I could beat this monster on my own. I tried and I tried, and I would be fine for a day or two, but then the middle of the week would roll around, I would have some time to kill, and BOOM!, I was back into lust. The truth is we as men of God cannot beat this sin on our own. We MUST rely on the Lord to get us past this. It means memorizing scripture verses like I Corinthians 10:13 which says that we're not tempted beyond more than we can bear and that God's faithful to give us a way out. It's about knowing those verses and using them when we're faced with temptation. It's about LOOKING FOR THAT WAY OUT!

In essence, this week I have been brought to a true sorrow and a true grief over my life with pornography and lust. For far too long I've thought I could beat it on my own. I've been telling half-truths. But now I have truly repented and desire to take on the true meaning of repentance, from the Hebrew metanoia which mean "after/behind one's mind" (thanks Wikipedia!). I want to have true forgiveness from this and move past this chapter of my life and embrace a life that honors God. I am an example to those around me, and I want those around me to see the real me, not someone putting on a show. 

If you're a guy or a girl who's dealing with this, too (no one is immune, it's not a guy thing), I would encourage you to do three things:

• Confess your sin to God and to someone who you can be accountable with and someone you can trust, then be an INTENTIONAL accountability partner with them (e.g. be honest, do NOT sugarcoat things, be real with them; cry and hit things if you have to)

• "Write the words of the lord on the tablet of your heart;" Find verses like I Corinthians 10:13 and commit them to memory so you can use them as a weapon (the Bible is the sword of the Spirit after all, Eph. 6:17) when Satan tempts you

• If you repent of your sin, MEAN IT. Don't just say, "I repent" and then go back and do the same things you did before. Romans 6 asks, "What shall we say then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? BY NO MEANS!" In short, should we do whatever we want do just because God can forgive us? No way. If we do, than we put little value on God's grace and mercy. If you repent of your sin, put the sin behind you, change your way of life from one that is focused on your pleasure to one that's focused on pleasing God.

I talk about wearing many hats in the paragraph that talks about my blog. I say that the hat I am known for (or want to be known for) is the crown of life, shimmering with jewels that has the words "Follower of Christ" on it. Well todays marks the day of a new beginning. Today is the day I begin the quest for that crown of life.